What was your injury? Explain what happened and all the details around it.

​

 I got injured the day after I graduated high school I was doing something where you step out and inside, and when I stepped out my side buckled. I got up and I though it was fine, that kind of hurts. And so I like went and jogged and try to act as if it was fine. And then I found out I told my ACL, I did six months recovery, I got cleared, then I tore it again, just did two more surgeries, and about another year and a half of rehab. 

​

Explain what was going through your head when you first immediately tore it.

​

So it was difficult because I found out on my Freshman orientation because I found out that I tore it I immediately told the coaches about it. So I that was really hard. But it was also kind of like, I'm not super worried about it, because in six months I'll be cleared like right before spring season. So it was not terrible. And then when I tore the second time, it was a lot harder. Because I knew what it takes to get back to where I need to be. And I knew that it was going to be two surgeries. But I think also just having some experience and knowing what it was going to take mentally and emotionally really helped. Like The second go around and to be able to like push myself harder than I was the first time tearing it. 

​

When they did tell you is torn the first time what were your emotions to it?

​

I think it was just really numb to it. I was just like, I was like, Okay, well you know, this isn't really happening. I went to see a doctor and he's said, "yeah, it doesn't really feel like your ACL is there anymore." And so I was like, whatever. Like, that's not what hat really happened. And so I think that took me probably until I had the surgery and came out of surgery in a big brace for me to be like, Oh, this is like actually happening. 

​

What did your mental health look like coming out of surgery?

​

Initially, I was just kind of like, Oh, yeah, like my spirits are up, I was able to put weight on it, and then, like 10 days after my first surgery, I was on bed rest for basically two weeks. So It was really hard to not be able to do anything and seeing all my friends posting what they're doing over the summer. And like just knowing my entire summer was going to be in bed or in rehab. Like that was really hard. I was just missing out on everything missing out on being with my team here, and all the summer experiences.

​

How did you tear it the second time?

​

The second time was like an exact repeat of the first one, just stepping out to pitch and my knee just went down. And I got up and I looked around, it like feels fine, I felt it pop. And I felt it. And I was like, kind of freaked out. But I thought maybe it wasn't that. And then I like to see the athletic trainer. She's like, "Oh, it's not torn." But then, weeks later, I was still having lots of problems. 

​

How would you assess your mental health after the surgery?

​

I would say that the hardest part in that was not being able to be around the team and be a part of that. So, the longer that I was, like separated from them, I wasn't able to do all the running that they were able to do. And they were just getting closer, and having more fun. And I just felt myself getting further and further away from them. 

​

Did you make any efforts to try to include yourself?

​

Yeah, I would try to get everything when I was able to and go to practice whenever I could. They can still tell you that you're part of the team, but the reality is that you're really not anymore.

Honestly, it really and really brought be to one of the lowest points in my life. You just spend six months being so dedicated to one thing, and all of a sudden, in a matter of less than a second, all of your hard work is done. It's heartbreaking. Yeah, I got to play March or April last season. 

​

Was the rehab different the second time around?

​

I was pushing myself a lot harder, in a good way. I was tired. But I wasn't too exhausted. Of course there were times whenever I was doing rehab where I couldn't walk and I was like, I can't do this anymore. And I was feeling really hopeless. Like I've done this every single day for five months. And I feel like I've gotten nowhere, like my leg is still half the size of the other one. That's really hard to like not be able to see your progress.

​

What was your biggest mental roadblock you encountered during your recoveries? 

 

Probably the isolation of it all. Because, you know, you have to see your athletic trainers every day. Seeing your teammates, but they don't understand what it's like so they don't know the right questions to ask. I'd say "guess what, like, I did a step up on this size box and that's a huge deal for me and I'm super excited." They'd say "Oh, cool..." they don't get it. And so that's hard. Whenever you're expressing such excitement or frustration and at one point I had a teammate tell me she was tired of hearing me complain about my knee. And like that's hard because I I try to be positive about it. And I try to put on a nice face for everyone so that they don't really see how much I'm struggling. Really hard to like deal with that and not feeling like you could talk to anyone. 

 

Who was your support system during your injuries?

​

I would say mainly the athletic trainers but they actually get the injury. But they're not there to be there emotionally. My parents were there for, but again they're four hours away. A lot of it was just me doing things on my own. 

​

Do you feel hesitant when you play?

I didn't really feel hesitant anymore, but maybe to certain actions like on the cutting motion, I thought "oh, gotta be a little careful." This is something that I waited for so long. Graduated college after a couple months, that kind of went away and I really don't think about it. 

​

Now that you've overcome your injury, would you change anything in the process? Would you have wanted to reach out to more people? You said that you wanted your team to be more supportive towards you. But like in terms of what you did, would you have changed anything?

​

I would ask for help more. Reach out to them knowing that they may not give me the answer that I want to hear and that they may not actually be any more supportive. But giving them the opportunity for that. Whenever I'm interacting with my teammates, I try to be there for them and support them.  

​

Does your injury affect your quality of life to this day, do you feel you still feel pain? 

Yeah. I don't think that that's probably ever going to change. And I had three surgeries within a span of two years. So that's not gonna change. I don't think that I avoid any activities because of it. 

​

What is something positive that emerged your experience?

​

So I see the one, like, really positive thing, which is my growth, my relationship with God. Because I place a lot of like, my identity and my value and my worth and who I was a person in softball. Okay, well, you know, maybe I don't have a lot of friends, but I have softball, and I'm good at it, and I got coaches approval, and people like me because I was good at softball. So with the injury, I was left feeling like I didn't know who I was and that I had no worth or value. I was able to seek out what God says I am and being able to, grow in that way and just be able to know that my identity is in the fact that I am a child of God, rather than I am a softball player, I am student, all those other things that are just ultimately going fail me, because I, I'm not going to play softball for the rest of my life. Not going to be a student for the rest of my life. So placing who I am, in my grades or in sports isn't going to do me any good. 

​

What kept you in the game, what pushed you to keep going instead of quitting?

​

This is who I am, This is what I have to do. Like, I'm going to be a college athlete. And on the second go around, I'd say it was just wanting to be back to where I was in knowing that even if, I wasn't gonna play softball, that I still wanted to be athletic. Like, that's not something that I could rid of in my life. Honestly, wanting to get better and get past it was a big motivator. If I can get full strength back sooner rather than later, it's gonna take less work later on. 

​

Top Recovery Tips

​

1. Don't isolate yourself from people. A lot of times people won't want to love you, they may just not know how. Just reach out to them and like let them know that you're struggling. Don't try to do it by yourself. Because you're just gonna be left alone and isolated.

​

2. Find out who you are, apart from your sport. I know our athletes put a lot of who they are in their sport. But if you can figure out who you are, Aside from an athlete, I think that that'll really help you in your recovery. Because you're not thinking, "Oh my gosh, everything who I am, is ripped away and I don't know who I am. I'm nothing."  

​

3. Push yourself as hard as you can and just try to get back to where you were before you start playing again. Because whenever you feel confident and know that you're back to 100% to be able to play more confidently, you're going to perform better, you're gonna feel less worried about re-injury. I know that like after my first injury. I was worried because I don't think I was at 100% when I got cleared. But going back my second time I was confident in my knee and that it would be fine. Make sure that you're pushing yourself really hard once you're back to 100%.

​