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 Hi name is Alana Geymer, I go to University of Texas at Dallas. I'm a junior. And I was a freshman athlete in volleyball my first year here. I've been playing volleyball for 10 years.

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What was your injury? When did it happen? How did it happen?

 

I got a concussion during freshman year around January. I was helping out at a club practice. I just looked away for five seconds and someone wailed it out of bounds and it just happened to hit me in the head. I've had a previous concussion before, but I wasn't actually thinking about my head at the time. I was worried about my eyes. I've had a previous retinal hemorrhage that was really bad. So when I got hit, I couldn't see for a few minutes. So I wasn't worried about my head at all, I was . So that's basically what happened.

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What was your reaction following the injury?

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After three minutes, my sight I came back and I was like, "Oh, I'm fine". I went

home. I didn't think about anything until the next morning. We did weightlifting and I

was feeling very light headed and very dizzy. I went to the trainer later that day,

I sure enough had a concussion which irritated me, but also didn't think it was

that bad. I thought I would be back in a few days. In the back of my mind I knew

I wasn't coming back. My doctor said I'd be back in like two weeks.

That turned into three weeks then turned into five weeks.

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Explain your frustration behind the process of your recovery time being pushed back.

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Well, it wasn't my first concussion. I think the concussion by itself wasn't that bad. It was a compound concussion, which made it way worse than it was supposed to be.The worst part was probably not knowing what I was going to come back, because I feel like some injuries are like, oh, you'll have like two months of rehab, and then you have this then you have this, but it just never got better. It was just like, week after week, just to be the elliptical and doing PT and nothing was changing. And that was, I think, the worst part.

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So at what point did you decide to just call it quits?

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In my head, I think that I knew it was over actually during off-season, which made it really difficult to go practices, really hard. I kind of stood there. I mean, I wanted to be there for my team, but it was kind of hard to I was like in such a mentally poor place to just, you know, stand there and watch everybody play. But over the summer I was I knew it was quits but like in my head, but I really didn't want to use it and play my own way. But Yeah, I think it was like a month before school started that I called Marcy. And I was just like, I can't do it. I could. I couldn't redshirt because I, the spring was so hard just to stay there that I was like, I can't just, you know, I mean, I want to be for the team. So, yeah.

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Um, so, you know, after you call it quits, like, I guess how did you handle your emotions? Going through that?

 

Well, I did kind of isolate myself a little bit. I mean, on purpose. I don't think anybody ever does that on purpose. But I got my head about a lot of things. And I hadn't really talked to any my teammates about really how bad I was feeling. I think I was like, not healing was like the worst part. And that made me like kind of a jock. So it's not like, Oh, I'm getting better it soon. I'm on the court. Again, it was where I'm not really a part of the team anymore. I'm just kind of standing here. Not doing anything. But I really let anybody know. And my grades kind of really suffered. Yeah, I was in a funk for about a year and a half. My whole software ears just depressed about it. Yeah. I mean, it was a huge part of our life.

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So you basically felt like volleyball was part of your identity, right?

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Yeah, I mean, yes. I never really thought that. I mean, I play volleyball a lot. But I was always like, Oh, I was like, something I do. It's not part of who I am. Which I don't know if that's common or not. But when as soon as I was like, actually, taken from my life, I was like, wow, I realized a lot. But I was like, one of my cornerstones. And it's how I bounced a lot of things about like academics, but volleyball. And so when I took over the region, like my academics with all over the place, because, like, I didn't have a way to like, let off my stress or take my mind off things. So I was like, constantly thinking and focusing on like, Oh, great, or like relationships. It just threw everything out of whack. So when you said like you focus on those, technically almost made it worse, Right? Oh, yeah. Like focusing? Yeah, I just focused too much. And well, I've always like, I was also something you like, you know, you give a lot of yourself to, And then I like had all this, like, you know, energy or Well, not really energy at the time, but, you know, something that I had saved for volleyball, and I didn't have anywhere to give it any more.

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How long did your recovery take? Or did you even recover? 

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it was such a slow recovery process it took, I still have headaches to this day.

And I didn't have headaches at all beforehand. But I can do most things now.

But I need to call this a year total for me to like, even get on the elliptical.

Because I mean, that's all I really did. When I was recovering, I would do

10 minutes on the elliptical if I had a headache, but I always had a

headache afterwards. And it just like, sucked. And then I would think

Oh, it's in my head. And then I really try and do something outside.

I really tried to go lift weights and I just messed myself up and start go from square zero to zero back to zero. So it just kind of sucked.

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So as time went on, after you quit volleyball, did you feel yourself getting more and more depressed? Or  was it like a roller coaster? Were you feeling good one day then the next you're feeling sad ? In other words, how would you assess your mental health?

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Oh, say the first seven months after was just a straight down or just really upset all the time. And I was on my mind all the time. Just knowing that I couldn't go live all even if like I was 50 years old. Like I would just like in my head. I was like, if I wanted to, I couldn't. And like I'm no longer part of it, which hasn't happened in a very long time. I mean, I've always been on teamwork was playing to be on a team. So that was really tough. I'd say halfway through software here, I kind of like it was more of like a roller coaster. Because I was like trying to like going out making new friends trying new things. But I was still like, I would try to go to games to see my old team play. That was I couldn't do it. I tried. It was very difficult just to sit in the stands and think I could have been like down there on the bench or out there playing. So it would kind of like rock it all over the place. also have a lot of friends who play sports still. So hearing them talk about practice just little things like oh, we ran a drill today. It's just like, I Miss drills, I Miss running this perfect us. Well doing them with people eating with the team, not myself. But Yeah.

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That was the biggest mental roadblock you encountered during your recovery process? Like what caused most of your frustration? Was it the pain or physical pain? Was it the you know, how much you miss playing not being able to exercise? 

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I say not play, again, going back to like practices that was it was like honest, erratic. And I was literally tortured, just like standing. It's worse, It was worse. And it like almost after every practice, I cry because I was just like, I can't be out there. And I've had lots of injuries. Like, this is not my first injury, that I've had injuries. And I've kept me out for months. I think two seasons I didn't play at all. So It's not like my first like big injury. But for some reason this one was different. I think it's cuz I wasn't getting better. And maybe in the back of my mind, and you know, it wasn't coming back. So just made, like, really difficult to sustain that. So it wasn't like, Oh, I'm going to be back with T like, I'm gonna go back. I think I knew the fact that I wasn't coming back.

I was rough.

 

During practice were you helping out in a new way?

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I tried to help, my coachdefinitely was like, do your best. I tried to be positive To the best of my ability. I don't think I did a very good job. I try. I tried to but it was just like, my emotions kept getting in the way of that. Leading to like the buzzer. I would like, you know, I did what I could, but it wasn't a lot. It just, it felt like standing there a lot of time.

Did like your team in some ways, like help you still feel like you're part of them? Or was it like kind of just you were like, mainly isolated?

There are definitely a few teammates to actively trying to like, keep me involved. But I definitely kind of pulled away a little bit. I mean, I appreciate the feud, but not the whole team. And I mean, like that's not their job. But I also didn't really do that much. Yeah, just go into the weight room. But I mean, a lot of ways like just not be able to like,

like drill or do the weights.

Lift the weights? Yeah.

 

Who would you say was your biggest support system? Or you can see multiple support systems, but like, during your injury, like after your injury like you did you find yourself like,

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I never really let anybody know how much it was, like, hurting me. But I relied a lot on the friendship of my roommate and one of my old best friends freshman year. They really helped me like, pulled me out of my folk for at least an hour. So it was always kind of like, but you haven't relied on them a lot. But I wish I told my family because I didn't tell them anything. That was worth the Oh, I just don't Better yet.

 

Would you say your relationship with those people who did help you? Would you say your relationship with them got better, like after your injury?

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Pretty much say the same thing. So close friends, but definitely appreciate what they did for me.

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Do you play volleyball anymore?

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No, I am too scared.. And I've thought about playing on a club team. But be honest, I'm scared of getting on the court. And like, I've never been scared for you not to my first concussion. Something's different this time though. Like, even just like being by the basketball courts, and they're like, Oh, I don't know the word passing the ball athlete. Or just like being by the soccer field it like, puts me on the edge. And I'm like, so scared to get on the court. And I think even if I tried to do a court that would interfere with my play so much.

So you're scared at the fact that like anything could hit you like, yeah,

cuz I the second hit, honestly wasn't the concussion. I shocks that cause such like a big impact. You had no idea that was going to like it right career.

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 Can you go more into like when your doctor's like frustration behind like, your doctors didn't know what was wrong with you? Like, can you explain more? That story?

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Yeah, that was really frustrating. I went to multiple and every time I went there, like, Oh, just take these pills. And I'll be fine. Or do this, it'll be fine. it'll eventually go away. And It was like a low pain I would say for the most part injury. It was more just something that was constant. And it did affect me, but it wasn't like you like you know, hurt your knee or you hurt your leg. I don't know fractured your arm like it's there. I don't know how to explain it really, like head injury, you can't see it. And like, a lot of times, I wonder if it was in my mind or not. And then I go try to run or something that I feel like this is not in my mind. But just suck to take all those pills and still feel the same way or like do with exactly what they said and still feel the same way. And It's just like, what do I just described is like a small burning flame. Like we said to put it out there like never went out. It was just like it finally moved away. But it just

it was like, you know, like it wasn't like high pain. But it was like being in pain. But constant.

Yeah, it did affect right causes me to very hard to concentrate. Yeah.

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Did your injury affect anything else besides school and volleyball?  Did you feel like if I did socially, like in any other way?

 

Sometimes I go home early, go hang out. Because I had her. I had to step out of things that I just had to lay in bed. This is more toward the beginning. But it just like, I don't explain concussion like pain, Like I guess would be I agree. I think sometimes by My head hurts so bad, I would just have to lay in bed. So that kind of affected. And also, I was like, this is probably just like the effects of the concussion. But I was like, really upset all the time. So I didn't want to hang out a lot. And If I did, you know, I just pretended it was fine.

Yeah. For you.

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Okay, how about this, Now that you've over, overcome for the most part, the injury, would you have changed anything in the process? If you could go back?

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Probably try let people know how I felt or because I didn't tell my family at all. And so like, when it came time for me to quit, I don't think they really realize how like, painful that was. I should have let at least a few friends No, like, actually, I was feeling probably. And then going like later to the recovery process software year, I wish I'd like been more active in trying to find these things to do because I kind of just didn't find anything new to do. So all I was doing was school and level. So I was kind of focusing a lot on it. What I should have, I think been doing more things like get my mind off it by new passions,

which I didn't do you feel like you're doing that now?

I think so I'm definitely like, dedicating a lot more of my time to like finding an internship that I've joined clubs like actually this time. So I think I'm doing a better job this semester. And it's not as terrible. I still can't go I will give a try. And I'll go for like one set that I just have to leave. So it's still painful and it still feels fresh. Even though it's been a year now. But it's it's getting better. And I think that's just because like my life doesn't revolve around like building work. Which sucks cuz I always thought my life would revolve around Bible. So I wanted to play after college. Not like crazy, but I didn't want to play like Sweden or something. So Yeah.

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I guess now that that part of you has kind of come and gone, do you feel like your identity is rooted in anything else? Like something new or have you replaced it with something else?

Not yet.

That's totally fine.

Yeah, not really. I mean, I never felt like my identity relied on volleyball. I mean, I was like, Yeah, I play volleyball. And I teach my life but I never thought like,

I don't know, actually, like, part of who I was, was an athlete. But

it felt like as soon as I was caught, it was like, oh, like a huge chunk of me. And a huge part of like, what I did who I was, like, a lot of my like, I feel like attributes are very weird. I learned a lot from all evil. And It's gone. It's like, um, but I been looking at sports, but since I'm scared Oh, the balls? No, it's kind of hard to find something. But I'm hoping that with this coming year, I'll find something I'm interested in. I'm interested in other things, but like, you know, to that level.

Okay, sorry, backtracking one more time.

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So, can you explain your fear behind getting hit in the head?

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I got hit right elbow. Oh, ok. So my assistant goes real quick to assistant coach. very tall, bad. And he jumped. jumped on. Hardly by vertical upscaling. But he jumped in here. Like when you walk you bring your elbows and he was like, Oh, I don't see her up here the air is going to end it sounds like that would that would was really bad. He nailed me the top of my head and I saw stars I'm going to get out for a while. So that was like a physical like,

like, this is not wrestling.

But you know, that one was really bad. And that was more like severe effects for like a shorter amount of time. And this one was just like, like boo or me there was a hard head you know, spec but it was just like level. But I was scared that he had had because of like what could happen? Like I don't want to have a permanent brain damage or anything like concussions are scary.

Because I was going back and forth all summer because I mean, when it Oh, I don't know. I love volleyball. It's like all I've ever done. And I want to continue doing it. I've never had don't believe I've never been burnt out. always loved it. And Even though I hated getting up at 530 or 545 It was always worth it. And then I was like this crappy like head thing, like, but it was a tough decision. And my parents definitely were like, okay, it's half out but I think it was the right decision for my health just cuz I don't know what the third congressional do because the second It was so like, compared to the first eight Yeah, I call so many issues affecting my grades that I'm honestly scared for. Like if I get hit again, just because I think it's all this stuff up there. I don't want to have like severe severe effects. Good choice, but I it doesn't it. It sucks. But it feels like giving up. Like, you know, as athletes you you know, you're not supposed to give up. But it feels like I gave up but I never thought I would be so mentally, like, like, I came to college to play for four years. And like, even though I had a really good first year, and I'm blessed with that first year, just I didn't see myself as like,

yeah, you didn't want to tend to early though, and

I you know how they say don't take a school off of volleyball or something. I definitely did that. So like I struggled last year because I was like, I don't think I'm at the right school because I think for my fault. I don't play volleyball. That's it. 

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What is something positive that emerged from your experience?

I made some good friends that I probably wouldn't been able to just because of time commitment. I mean, you could set friends and but like I made friends I probably wouldn't have made if I was on the vital team. And they're really awesome. And That's awesome. I also been like, dedicate more time to looking into my future, which I wasn't even thinking about, but make honest. So I like to tell myself that I'm doing it because I have the time. And I'm not playing well at all. I'm also more dedicated to weightlifting. So there's more like a intrinsic, like value to weightlifting, to weightlifting, because I did not like weightlifting in the first place but not lifting because I like it. Okay, yeah, that's like a few positives Doesn't really outweigh the con.

EC finding some positive?

Oh, yeah, I really relied on of you. Freshman year, I made like a new friend, or a really close friend In the spring. And like, this might sound dramatic. But anytime I was having a really bad day, I was like, I was like, I'm not playing but it was like, at least I made this awesome new friend. Like, I have like a new person oil life. And that really like helped me get through that semester. Just things like that, like try and focus on the positive. Is it help that much? But I try.

 

What would be three mental health recovery tips you could give to someone watching this video who is also pretty much going through the same thing.

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if I say to do your best to ostracize yourself from family and friends, because they want to be there for you. And even though it sucks to like, let them know how you're feeling. Do your best to still be talking to your teammates, going to Team events as much as you can. Because even though it might hurt, it hurts more to be involved. And maybe find a new activity to do or try to find a new club or something to get involved with. And even though you're still part of the team, It'd be nice to have something else that's not related to something that like reminds you of the pain you're going through. Yeah.

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I know this is like it's super cheesy. Like you're not alone. Like I definitely felt alone. And I knew there are people around me who have been through similar things. But yeah, I still kind of just turtle up. Kinda like felt the pain. 

I didn't accept help. Like I should have and, or and I wanted to but I did it.

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