What was your injury? Explain what happened and all the details around it.

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 I got injured the day after I graduated high school I was doing something where you step out and inside, and when I stepped out my side buckled. I got up and I though it was fine, that kind of hurts. And so I like went and jogged and try to act as if it was fine. And then I found out I told my ACL, I did six months recovery, I got cleared, then I tore it again, just did two more surgeries, and about another year and a half of rehab. 

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Explain what was going through your head when you first immediately tore it.

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So it was difficult because I found out on my Freshman orientation because I found out that I tore it I immediately told the coaches about it. So I that was really hard. But it was also kind of like, I'm not super worried about it, because in six months I'll be cleared like right before spring season. So it was not terrible. And then when I tore the second time, it was a lot harder. Because I knew what it takes to get back to where I need to be. And I knew that it was going to be two surgeries. But I think also just having some experience and knowing what it was going to take mentally and emotionally really helped. Like The second go around and to be able to like push myself harder than I was the first time tearing it. 

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When they did tell you is torn the first time what were your emotions to it?

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I think it was just really numb to it. I was just like, I was like, Okay, well you know, this isn't really happening. I went to see a doctor and he's said, "yeah, it doesn't really feel like your ACL is there anymore." And so I was like, whatever. Like, that's not what hat really happened. And so I think that took me probably until I had the surgery and came out of surgery in a big brace for me to be like, Oh, this is like actually happening. 

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What did your mental health look like coming out of surgery?

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Initially, I was just kind of like, Oh, yeah, like my spirits are up, I was able to put weight on it, and then, like 10 days after my first surgery, I was on bed rest for basically two weeks. So It was really hard to not be able to do anything and seeing all my friends posting what they're doing over the summer. And like just knowing my entire summer was going to be in bed or in rehab. Like that was really hard. I was just missing out on everything missing out on being with my team here, and all the summer experiences.

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How did you tear it the second time?

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The second time was like an exact repeat of the first one, just stepping out to pitch and my knee just went down. And I got up and I looked around, it like feels fine, I felt it pop. And I felt it. And I was like, kind of freaked out. But I thought maybe it wasn't that. And then I like to see the athletic trainer. She's like, "Oh, it's not torn." But then, weeks later, I was still having lots of problems. 

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How would you assess your mental health after the surgery?

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I would say that the hardest part in that was not being able to be around the team and be a part of that. So, the longer that I was, like separated from them, I wasn't able to do all the running that they were able to do. And they were just getting closer, and having more fun. And I just felt myself getting further and further away from them. 

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Did you make any efforts to try to include yourself?

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Yeah, I would try to get everything when I was able to and go to practice whenever I could. They can still tell you that you're part of the team, but the reality is that you're really not anymore.

Honestly, it really and really brought be to one of the lowest points in my life. You just spend six months being so dedicated to one thing, and all of a sudden, in a matter of less than a second, all of your hard work is done. It's heartbreaking. Yeah, I got to play March or April last season. 

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Was the rehab different the second time around?

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I was pushing myself a lot harder, in a good way. I was tired. But I wasn't too exhausted. Of course there were times whenever I was doing rehab where I couldn't walk and I was like, I can't do this anymore. And I was feeling really hopeless. Like I've done this every single day for five months. And I feel like I've gotten nowhere, like my leg is still half the size of the other one. That's really hard to like not be able to see your progress.

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What was your biggest mental roadblock you encountered during your recoveries?